


At the Waking Hour

by PetiteNiku



Series: yoi - Dysfunctional Family AU [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, First Time Parents, Happy Ending, Internal Conflict, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetiteNiku/pseuds/PetiteNiku
Summary: “We shouldn’t have adopted him!”Victor’s heart stops.“We don’t deserve him, this baby deserves so much better!” The lion plush falls on the carpet. “What were we thinking, we’re not ready to be parents!”Victor’s walls crumbled and fall instantly.-In which Victor and Yuuri are first time parents and panic when their first newborn baby has to go to the ER.





	At the Waking Hour

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally suppose to be part of the [Dysfunctional Family AU Series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/602476), but for right now it's a stand alone fic and unbeta'd. **EDIT 5/29: Story has now been added to the series!**
> 
> Lots of love to [Ale](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkingtotheSea/pseuds/TalkingtotheSea) and [Sherry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CallyCally/pseuds/CallyCally) whose tears motivated me. They also played a huge part on creating this story, so go give them some hugs and maybe ask for some tissues while you're at it. Played [Vienna Teng's Waking Hour Album](https://open.spotify.com/album/6HeGWBdZJxLAEAXaVdxNQpl) on loop when I was writing this out.

The miniscule sounds in the waiting room did very little to ease his pounding heart. Blaring lights overhead them buzzed every few minutes and flickered so much it made you believe you were in a psych ward. Radiators hummed, carts of medicine squeaked by, and the only tv in the room screamed in static at 3am. It all made Victor’s nerve rise only higher, his jumping leg being the only visual to display it.

_God, please, don't…_

Scenes from that day played in his head in a never ending loop. Bright brown eyes that screamed I love you hours before they turned red, crying into a bundle of snowflake patterned blankets in the passenger seat. The blankets that wrapped...

His throat felt constricted.

Fingers tugged the hem of his night shirt. Victor could still feel how soft that black hair felt between his pale fingers that morning, before it was being held in a death grip by a shaky hand and Victor’s were turning bone white on the steering wheel. A tiny hand poking out of the blanket wrapped around a finger.

A sob tore from his throat.

Detaching himself from his surroundings was dangerous. He needed to be here, in the present, now. Out of habit Victor reached in the bag next to him and took out the small lion plush.. It still smells like the baby formula.

Victor could still hear the high pitched cries in the bedroom next door. He would rather listen to that instead of the hospital’s version of patience. He ached to hear their child’s laughter, a fussy cry, anything to proof that he’s still...

_Please, don’t take him away from us._

A third member of their family only arrived a week ago and Victor felt like the newborn was being taken away.

_Did we not love him enough?_

“-tor?”

_Haven’t we suffered enough?_

“-ictor?”

_Am I really such a terrible father-_

“Victor!”

Victor startled from his seat when he felt something warm on his forehead. Yuuri’s eyes, puffy and red still, were in his line of vision. But his eyes were focused on an imaginary point behind Victor. A foam cup was placed in his hands, the warmth was a pleasant distraction but the smell of cheap coffee unsettled his stomach.

“Cafeteria is closed.” Yuuri’s voice was hoarse. “Nurse showed me the coffee vending machine.”

Victor nodded dumbly and looked the other way when Yuuri flopped one seat over. The baby bag placed between them.

Neither of them spoke. The coffee turned cold after an hour passed and no one had taken a sip. Too deep in their own frantic thoughts, drowning in worry with the what if’s.

*****

_“Please be quiet.”_ Victor begged the fussy baby in his arms, _“Please go back to sleep.”_ No amount of rocking helped. Lullabies were unheard over the baby’s shrilling. Milk was doomed on either Victor’s night shirt or the carpet.

The baby wanted Yuuri. All he ever wanted was Yuuri. Who could blame him? Yuuri was a natural. Victor acknowledged it on the 5th day when Leo was brought home, after he saw the way a clonked out when Yuuri held onto their son in their bed. A tug from his heart, like he was falling in love again. That’s all it took for Victor to accept his defeat.

*****

_Show me what I did wrong, make me understand…_

Beady black eyes stared back Victor. As if a toy held all the answers to their prayers.

Yuuri was the first to break the silence. Victor heard a whimper and then his husband’s voice cracking.

“I couldn’t do _anything_ for him...”

*****

_“What happened?!”_

Yuuri sounded distant. But through blurry details Victor knew Yuuri was hovering over him.

_“Victor-!”_

The front of his shirt felt wet. Something hot and sticky was trickling in his right ear. That fall did more damage than Victor expected.

_“...the baby-!”_

*****

Tear stained face, red rimmed and puffy eyes.

Victor wants to hold Yuuri, kiss him, anything to shelter him from feeling helpless and inadequate because he’s the last person to put the blame on himself. Yuuri was the one who saw the signs first. Even in a panic state, Yuuri held control of the situation and practically told Victor to drive. Yuuri was the one who brought their son to a doctor for chance to live.

His voice is lost. Frozen and speechless, just like back in the nursery. Victor can only watch his husband’s hunched over form and break down.

Yuuri cries, “I wasn’t there for him!”

_But you were, always. You’re here now._

“We shouldn’t have adopted him!” Victor’s heart stops.

_Please don't..._

“We don’t deserve him, Leo deserves so much better!” The lion plush falls on the carpet. “What were we thinking, we’re not ready to be parents!”

Victor’s walls crumbled and fall instantly.

*****

Yuuri’s frazzled state, the baby crying in Victor’s arms, then the snot and blood on his shirt. Victor panicked at the sight of blood. Yuuri pulled Leo out of Victor’s grasp, and checked every inch of their child and found no bruises or cuts on the newborn.

Victor chose to ignore the searing pain from his head when Yuuri’s face paled.

_“Victor, he needs a doctor!”_

*****

Gray walls and TV static do not exist in this moment, in their world.

Frustration, despair, suffering, and anxiety.

They’re both a crying mess, holding onto each other the first time since the accident. Victor on his knees, arms wrapped around Yuuri’s waist and face hidden on his stomach. He is angry at Yuuri for blaming himself, but he’s even more angry at himself for not being a better husband to Yuuri, when Victor was so focused on himself and not paying any attention or thinking how Yuuri was feeling because they’re both new to this.

Yuuri sobs in the silver mop of hair and grips on the back of Victor’s shirt. He’s been suffering just the same too.

*****

_“Hold him Victor!”_

Victor steps away from his husband and child. He’s done enough damage. He doesn’t trust his hands. Doesn’t trust himself. Yuuri takes another step closer.

_“I can’t…”_

Yuuri huffs and stuffs Leo’s lion plush in a baby bag. _“He’s your son too-”_

_“I can’t Yuuri!”_

_“Victor! For fucks sake, get your shit together! Hold Leo! I need to get the bags before Makkachin jumps on them - oh my god Makkachin! We can’t leave him alone, I need to call Phichit to dog sit -”_

Victor is half listening and frozen. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do and their son is hurt and he can’t-

 _“Do something useful!”_ Yuuri shoves the baby bag to Victor, _“Get the damn car!”_

Victor scrambles out. Yuuri runs behind him, still holding Leo in his snowflake pattern baby blanket in his arms. _“I’m sorry Phichit, it’s Leo he’s - we’re taking him to the hospital and - I don’t know I don’t know, please can you watch Makkachin until we - thank you Phichit, thank you!”_

Victor starts the car and leaves tire tracks on the driveway. The car ride is silent. Victor focusing on the street and Yuuri whispering to their whimpering baby.

 _“Shh Shh, you’re going to be okay.”_ At a red light Victor risks taking a glance and his world is falling. Leo’s face is turning a strange hue of blue and his chest is barely moving under the blanket. One of his tiny hands are holding onto Yuuri’s pinky. Their wedding band flashing every so often they run by a street light.

The two don’t make contact. Victor wants to cry but he can’t. He’s left alone in his thoughts and body left on autopilot. He doesn’t see Yuuri furiously wiping his face with a free hand. Victor doesn’t hear Yuuri whisper a prayer for their son. Hands shake on the steering wheel and he doesn’t realize they’ve arrived until Yuuri slams the passenger door.

_“Victor!”_

Yuuri enters the hospital, leaving Victor helpless to watch from a few feet away.

 _“Someone, please - our son!”_ Yuuri calls for a doctor. Nurses are everywhere. One takes Leo, another tries to calm Yuuri in the waiting room. A doctor appears. There are machines and a it’s all a blur to Victor.

*****

Seconds and minutes pass by. They’re healing, mending each other’s hearts in an excruciatingly slow pace at the dead of night. Foreheads are pressed against each other. Brown and blue eyes are locked, allowing tears to flow until there are no more.

**Author's Note:**

> This has a happy ending, I promise. Have faith in me.


End file.
